"There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man."
-The Kingkiller Chronicle, Patrick Rothfuss
We've all seen those videos. Slow car on the road minding its own business, a bright red Ferrari decides to tick it off.
You know the type, brash young guy thinks his European exotic is the king of the road. Comes up beside anything that isn't a European exotic and winds down his window. Before long, his jaw has dropped lower than his plush seats and the prey is a dot in the distance.
One of my favourite 'demonstrations':
Ok, ok. I know I just said an Audi RS4 isn't a sleeper car. But I was referring to the Audi RS-es in recent years, the ones with flared grilles and muscular lines. That one in the video was a 1st-gen B5 model.
RS4 B5 (1999-2001)
To most people, they won't spot the difference between the B5 and the car their neighbour's four loudmouth kids pile into every day. Compare this to the current RS4. I know I'd recognise what's under the bonnet even from my side-mirror, with the RS4 200 metres behind.
RS4 B9 (2018-Present)
In case there was any doubt about what was under the bonnet (2.9 L twin-turbocharged V6)
The looks definitely match the power, in this case. Yet the older B5 was no golf-cart. Its 2.7L V6 Biturbo made sure of that, but its aesthetics made no attempt to shout it.
And that's the essence of what is a 'sleeper'. A sleeping giant, if you will. There is a classy 'power' in knowing the engine bay has enough oomph to rip anyone's face off, but hey, no one else needs to know that. Why would they?
Maybe in the age of Lamborghini parades, understated horsepower has lost its lustre. Is your car really fast, unless it looks fast? Logically the answer has got to be 'yes of course'. Unless you have a purpose-built race car for the track, the parts under the surface still matter more than those above it.
What are these parades for, again?
Now, I can grunt all day about what makes a fast car, but I see reality for what it is. It used to be that a car is fast, therefore it looks (goes) fast. Today's society has generally accepted that a car looks fast, therefore it must be fast. Anything less would throw you into slowpoke-land, and the manufacturers know it.
Car marketing and design has changed to reflect consumer attitudes. Which is why I have a hard time seeing modern wagons as sleepers. Not when they look like... this.
Mercedes-AMG E 63 S Estate
Volvo V60
This is fair in business, you need to sell what your customers want. I'm just a bit forlorn about the fact that wagons once rode the 'sleeper' moniker to popularity, and has since graduated with flying colours. Like a parent whose child has flown the nest.
Don't get me wrong, these wagons are sick. I love how poised they are, with an undertone of aggression. But no one would mistake them for an underpowered family car. Wagons are a tight niche to begin with, and we're about to get even tighter.
We already know this- a car is more than the sum of its (mechanical) parts. To drive a car is to surrender to the emotions it brings you. So then, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that people who like sleepers hold a certain set of principles in their lives.
Let's talk a bit about that.
So far we've established that sleepers are the perennial underdogs. They start out as the scrawny little kid who gradually reveals their untold potential. By the end of the movie, they're a hero. Blasting through the odds to change the world in their image.
To prefer sleeper cars is to speak into the wind: I'm on a journey of growth for myself.
No flamboyance, as that would be arrogant.
Secure in what we got, what others think is irrelevant.
Power is nothing without control.
This went from slightly-provocative statement about a popular car to social commentary real quick, so let’s reel it back.
The RS4 is a great ride, and it looks like a million bucks. Car lovers have it amazing right now. Cars are safer, prettier, more comfortable, and getting ever faster. The wagons have simply evolved to reflect this, along with most other categories. I accept this. Hey, I’m no Luddite.
Not forgetting too, sleepers are category-agnostic. They don’t have to be wagons, and often are not.
What do you see in the future of sleeper cars? Perhaps disguised power may one day be trendy again. Or maybe you feel it will fizzle out eventually.
Consider this a beacon-call for like-minded fans of sleepers. Supporters of understated prowess.
Let’s wrap this up with a rare and powerful JDM wagon.
Nissan Stagea (if the GTR was a wagon)
Do you have a nominee for the modern sleeper? I’d love to hear about it!